I have always been a shy person, smart, ambitious but scared. I wanted to be ahead but needed a push, approval of people around me so that I remain in their good books. That was my biggest drawback, looking for approval. I was never a backbencher, in fact, I was one of the best students. I strived to be the best among my siblings, my classmates. a favorite student of my teachers. 

In spite of it all, I lacked confidence. I wanted to prove it to myself and I think that is what made me feel trapped. I wanted to run away from everything, always running. I wanted to get married early in life because I thought marriage will get me out of my parent’s house. well, very soon I knew that was a mistake. the person I married was not what I imagined him to be so I ran again, back to my parents. no, that was not the same as I left it. things seemed to have changed after my marriage. so I went back to my husband’s house. he thought she has come back so I can dominate more since she has no other place to go. hahaha.

I then decided to take a big jump so that he cannot follow me, immigrated to another country. well, countries, cities, homes, nothing makes the difference if the person is the same. I realized I need to change the ME from the inside out. who told me that, who teaches us that. the journey is not of this world, the journey is of the mind. time is not what we see on clocks, time is what we take to realize what needs to change. yes, it is true, time is irrelevant. the tree of our life is not like the tree we see out of our window. this tree which we are connected to is UPSIDE down. the roots are our parents and kids are our fruits. We cannot be ever satisfied with our kids if we don’t pay attention to our Parents (Ancestors). they are our roots. watering our roots is giving respect to our parents. Fruit will bring more seeds but seeds will only be good if we have nurtured the roots and let them grow stronger.

life is much more than what it seems. It is beautiful if we accept it as it is, without trying to make changes. life is the blank canvas that will fill without much effort if we just send respect, gratitude, and love in its direction. life is a teacher that will always show you the right way if we pay attention. The right way is not the easiest way, it is not the most difficult way either, it is the way that your heart will be happy to take, the way that gives you peace, and the way that will keep you away from every kind of guilt. it is the way that will cleanse you so much that you will want to do more cleansing. it may not make you rich but it will never starve you for anything. it will make all your wishes come true. Here you need to be very careful because everything that you wish may not be the right thing to ask, so you become more responsible for your actions. it’s simple yet hard to see. Maybe that is why it is said that life is a learning process. we learn every moment of our lives.

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